Sheer Terror. That is how my mind and body are feeling right now. I tricked my body. I told it I would start a food cut (otherwise known as a diet) on Monday. Well that is several days away and instead I woke up, went to the store and got a few items, and am starting today. So far today I have had a fresh pressed carrot, apple, and ginger juice from a local shop and some small roasted baby potatoes. My stomach is screaming, only partly because it is hungry, mostly because it knows!. I knows I am taking away all its favorite comfort foods.
For the next 6 weeks I am eating all the veggies and fruit I can handle (and herbs!) as long as they don't have any oil, salt, or added sugar on them. And that is it! So on the one hand I have a ton of food to choose from but on the other hand I have a body addicted to sugar and salt that will rebel.
I am nervous about this. I know this whole next week will be particularly rough. Yet I also agreed to work from home on my 'vacation' all next week. I know my mind will try to convince me it is simply not a 'good time' to do this. And it would be right. It isn't. I have to be able to think to finish out assignments for school and do my work well. I just can't think of any other time in my life that would be better so it appears I just have to deal.
Today, April 27, 2018, I weigh the most I have ever weighed sans pregnancy. Today I weigh around 146 lbs. If it was the 'bloating' time of month I would weigh around 148lbs. This has been my weight for the last year. My 'normal' weight has been around 125-130. I would like to get back to that. I don't plan on exercising at all until I get to my target weight. Exercise just makes me more hungry and it will be hard enough to get the calories I need to function each day while just eating veggies/fruit that I cannot deal with exercise.
Once I hit my target weight I will slowly reintroduce a few food items (like whole grains in small quantities, fats and oils in small quantities). My new favorite word is going to be NO...no thank you, no I don't want/need a second helping, no I don't want dessert, no I don't want to meet at x restaurant (where there will be nothing for me to eat). Just no!!!! My other new favorite word is Yes! Yes you can eat all day if you want, yes you can eat that whole bag (of veggies) all at one sitting, yes we can meet at y restaurant instead (where I can get plain steamed veggies).
anyway. Today I am feeling hopeful but terrified.
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